Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
It would seem my soft-spoken and polite nature attracts big personalities with a desperate need for a sidekick. I can play the background character well, out of mannerly consideration for what seems to be a desire for affirmation.
I’m not sure why this is a surprise to my extroverted friends. It’s as if they’ve been struck by lightning when I “show up” for the party. I even detect passive-aggressive levels of jealous hostility and competitive behavior at times. Good companionship is not a competitive sport. One seeks to find intimates who are willing to share the attention and at least feign equal interest in the other person’s life. The give and take should be roughly equal.
In the past, “Dear Sirs” was often used, or “Dear Sirs/Madams,” but this is not gender-neutral. “To whom it may concern” sounds very pompous to our ears. Some websites have suggested “Dear Persons,” but that doesn’t sound correct to us.“Dear Sir” was a general heading only when everyone in business was assumed to be male; it adapted once by offering the alternative “Dear Madam,” which appears to have pleased exactly no one.
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