In relationships, considering the deal-breakers and smaller irritations you can manage is just as important as figuring out what you do want, writes DrTylerJamison
, falling in love) come with costs and challenges. He argued that maybe we should focus a little less on what we want out of life and start asking, “What am I willing to struggle for?” When it comes to maintaining long-termEven though we tend to focus on seeking good qualities in romantic partners, research suggests that looking at our partners’ faults is smart and productive. We know that even the most wonderful people and partners have annoying traits, and they intensify over time.
and individual pet peeves. For some people, being with someone who flour-bombs the kitchen because they like making bread is a nightmare. For others, homemade bread is worth the mess, it’s just not a big deal. For some people, being emotionally shut out for even a short time triggers and distress. Others can do their own thing while their partner works through their feelings and be ready and waiting when they are ready to re-engage.How we feel about and react to our partners’ shortcomings makes all the difference. John Gottman estimated thatwe have with our partners are unsolvable. They are just differences in lifestyle, personality, or opinion that are unlikely to change.
Instead, it makes sense to choose partners whose negative traits don’t bother us very much. We can still see those traits as aggravating, but they don’t make us feel constantly exhausted or on edge. You can also channel your energy toward solving your “solvable” problems. With someWhat You Should Never Accept
While research suggests some benefits of overlooking imperfections, it is important to recognize the things that we should
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