Some kinds of betrayal feel worse than others. Here's why, writes StephenBetchen
, then the replication of this event in real time might trigger a significant traumatic reaction. If the victim is sensitive by nature, the reaction may be even more devastating. In the specific case of transgressing ex-partners, a female client who discovered her wife’s affair commented: “I must be cursed. My first wife cheated on me as well.”
Consider that the non-affairing partner directly expressed that which he/she fears the most, and still their worst nightmare is realized. I have treated many of these cases over the years, and it is no surprise that most of the non-affairing partners who make this upfront request have experienced the devastating effects of an affair before and do not wish to relive them.
Regardless, in this situation, it is best to cut ties with all offending parties and start fresh. But before you do, I recommend that you closely examine whether you may have enabled what happened. For example, perhaps you allowed your fiancé and friend to get too close, even encouraged it. If you did, it could be a sign that you were unconsciously trying to get rid of these people but underestimated the trauma associated with the outcome.This sounds very distasteful, but it happens.
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