“It might take years for bad posture to rear its head, but the effects are cumulative,” one chiropractor said. Patricia Marx assesses the effects of the pandemic on our skeletons.
Let’s start at the beginning. The story goes that when Plato was asked for a definition of a human being he came up with “featherless biped.” This prompted Diogenes the Cynic to present Plato with a plucked chicken. Not to be outwitted, Plato modified his definition. “A featherless biped with flat nails,” he said. My point is not that philosophy in the fourth century B.C.E.
Before we work on improving our internal scaffolding, it would be useful to define the ideal. If you are a soldier, G.I. Joe sets the standard, according to Sergeant First Class Erik A. Rostamo, the U.S. Army’s Drill Sergeant of the Year.
It’s time to buckle up into a posture corrector. You wouldn’t be the first. The duchess Consuelo Vanderbilt wrote in her memoir about the “horrible instrument” she was ordered to endure as a child to enforce a plumb stance, describing it as “a steel rod which ran down my spine and was strapped at my waist and over my shoulders—another strap went around my forehead to the rod.” Even more adorable is the neck swing.
I chose fifteen devices and sent them to people I know who want to improve their posture. The group included a man who was still traumatized by being punched in the back as a child by his alcoholic mother, whenever she observed him slouching. Another volunteer was motivated by the memory of a seventy-five-year-old actress she’d once seen at Saks—her cosmetically altered face made her look youthful, but when she turned around a severe hunchback exposed the Dorian Grayish truth.
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