AskPolly: 'Even though I’m doing as much as I can to grow as a person and stay positive about my future, I still feel like it’s not enough. I am running out of hope.'
I am writing to you because I need your help and I know you’re the only one who can give it to me straight. I’m only 28, but somehow I’ve developed the jadedness of someone much older. Maybe this is because I’ve lived in New York City for most of my 20s, where everyone seems to be moving down the same, linear path of “career, marriage, children.” I too want these things for myself, but I feel like no matter what I do, I am always one step behind my peers.
It’s funny, though. You never tell me what you want. I have no sense of what drives you. Love? Your career? Writing? Art? Close friendships? I’m not saying that most people aren’t looking for a balance of things, but the fact that you don’t even hint at your priorities leads me to believe that you’re not even sure what they are.
The subject line of your letter is “How Do I Surrender?” but there is nothing about surrender or letting go in what you’ve written. There’s not a single word about how you feel, beyond the very abstract word “pain.” There’s no vulnerability here. I have a friend just like you. She’s very smart, so it’s easy enough to see why she’d trust her mind so much. For a solid decade, whenever she felt emotional, she would call me and say, “TELL ME WHAT TO DO. JUST TELL ME!” She was retreating from the despair of feeling, grabbing for concrete instructions, a way out. So I’d try, but I wouldn’t get a sentence or two in before she started telling me all of the reasons each suggestion wouldn’t work. “You don’t understand!” she’d always say angrily.
But I will eat your “fuck you,” nom nom nom! Because I get it. On days when I’m doubting myself or I’m too punitive with myself, I move through the world with a lot of FUCK YOU in my system. On days like this, I hate gurus. I don’t like their frothy, clichéd language, so empty! Give me an edge to hang onto, you flaccid ghosts! Your hollow words taste like the Eucharist on my tongue, drying into a hot paste. Body of Christ: desiccated, weightless, flavorless.
Imagine the phone call from her agent, telling her that Jay Leno wanted her to perform. “Okay, but I’m singing my song about getting molested, otherwise the answer is no.” This was 1994. The mood was not friendly around vulnerable confession. Trust me, someone tried to convince her to sing something else — anything else! But what you’re witnessing is a human being who has learned that salvation comes from working very, very hard on things that make your cells feel electric.
Indonesia Berita Terbaru, Indonesia Berita utama
Similar News:Anda juga dapat membaca berita serupa dengan ini yang kami kumpulkan dari sumber berita lain.
How to give someone a better career for ChristmasTaking an improv class or joining a sports league can help your loved ones build soft skills to help them in the workforce. .
Baca lebih lajut »
Leaked documents give chilling look inside Chinese Muslim detention campsChinese authorities claim its centers holding Uighurs and other Muslim minorities are vocational centers. Leaked records show the re-education camps are run more like prisons. NBC News is reporting on the previously undisclosed documents, obtained by the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, together with 17 news organizations around the world.
Baca lebih lajut »
10 of the Best Gifts That Give Back for Christmas 2019The holidays are a time for giving, so what better time to give back to someone in need? See our edit of the top charitable gifts for 2019.
Baca lebih lajut »
Hong Kong leader refuses to give ground after poll setbackHONG KONG (AP) — Hong Kong’s embattled leader Carrie Lam refused to offer any concessions to anti-government protesters despite a local election setback, saying Tuesday that she will instead...
Baca lebih lajut »
Buttigieg/Gabbard 2020? Give Me a Break.A columnist takes license from Trump’s improbable 2016 election to pull an insanely unlikely Buttigieg/Gabbard ticket out of his … imagination.
Baca lebih lajut »
8 Ways to Give Yourself a Bomb-Ass Massage Right NowBodies needs love, whether you're sitting all day, sore from a workout, or just plain tired. Learn 8 self-massage techniques to help reset your body & mind.
Baca lebih lajut »