Switch things up with your boo.
Sexual monotony happens — to all of us. Couples can find themselves in sexual ruts for all kinds of reasons, Dr. Laura Dabney, M.D., relationship psychiatrist, tells SheKnows. Over time, our sexual preferences change, and our bodies do too. The thing that charmed us at the start of our relationship may no longer resonate in the same way. Having the same type of sex over and over can get boring.
2. Curb the complaints Once you’ve asked your partner what they want, you can make your request. Dr. O’Reilly gives the following example: “I’d love to carve out a Sunday morning with no phones to try this new massage oil I bought and see where it leads.” But, she cautions, make sure your request is not a complaint. “Oftentimes, we wait until we’re frustrated to speak up and we don’t communicate as effectively as we could,” Dr. O’Reilly says.
3. Make it a game If this still sounds thoroughly uncomfortable, take a page out of Dr. O’Reilly’s book and start with an activity instead. Grab a piece of paper and a pen, and ask your partner to do the same. On your paper, write down how often you’d like to have sex. And at the bottom, write down how often you believe your partner wants to have sex. “Exchange papers,” she instructs. “Have a laugh and start a discussion.
“You don’t want to embarrass or shame your partner ever,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy.D., family and relationship psychotherapist. “Make it an adventure you’re exploring together.” 6. Be patient Remember, this isn’t just about you. It’s about you and your partner. So if your partner indicates discomfort with the conversation when you first bring it up, respect that — but don’t drop the point entirely, Dr. Dabney says. “It’s very, very important that you understand that, as an adult, it’s your responsibility to take care of your own needs,” she says.
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