Nearly half of Americans have a step relative, but it's an issue that we don't give nearly enough attention to. | From usatodayopinion
Robert E. Emery, a father of five, professor of psychology and director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia, has ideas about how people can create functional stepfamilies while also having realistic expectations. This is what he shared with me.Go slowly for the sake of stepchildren. Relationships take time to build. You can’t expect to be instantly connected to your stepkids – or for them to instantly connect to you.
Finally, I asked Emery a question that, I think, stemmed from my own sadness and personal experience of rejection by my stepparents,"How do you learn to love your stepkids?""No one can make themselves love anyone. Trying to force a loving relationship often leads to failure," he said."Liking your stepkids – or just doing the right thing even if you don’t love or even like the kids – can be more than good enough.
No family is perfect, and, in many ways, stepfamilies have it harder than biological or even adoptive families. Trust me, it's so much easier, and less painful on everyone, if you try to do the right thing, and just be kind and patient.
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