Dear How to Do It: It feels like I am in an intense job interview.
I wonder if we are being given the exact nature of these red flags. The writer says that they keep things vague, but obviously, the conversations go on beyond that.I think the biggest red flag is his approach. I mostly advocate laying your cards on the table for efficiency purposes, and that does apply here. But imagine if I went on dates and I was like, “Oh yeah, I used to make suggestive artwork.” And then on the third date, I’m like, “Well, it was very sexual.
I think one thing he can try is saying, “Nice to meet you. I had a really nasty custody battle with my ex. We’re totally civil now. I actually prefer not to rehash the details over and over. Tell me about yourself.”Also, I think given the way things usually go—and I’m not an expert in family law—it’s pretty drastic when the mother loses custody entirely. I mean, that usually bespeaks an intense situation, at least as it’s been presented to the court.
I don’t know. I feel like we’re missing something. I feel like there’s some component of this that maybe doesn’t strike him as being important that multiple people are picking up on and being like, wait a minute. So obviously I wouldn’t want to put him through the same rigors that he’s going through with his dates and a letter is only so long compared to extended, multiple conversations with people. But I feel like I can’t exactly judge the situation without knowing a little bit more.
And that one feels sort of strange for me. There’s no getting around it in the short term. In the short term, our writer could not mention his children. Not mention the whole thing. But after a couple of months, the children are going to become apparent, or child.Yeah. So eventually the children will become apparent and then that will be an enormous red flag. That’ll be a red swimming pool cover, Olympic-sized.Yeah. I think that I would look at my language first.
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