Here’s where your kid might be on the Pinocchio scale—and advice from experts on dealing with your little liars
. “They may claim they did something that they didn't do because they want approval, or they exaggerate because they want the parent to think, oh wow, you're amazing.”
“These lies are told when you're thinking about the other person's feelings, especially in a cultural context when it may be seen as rude to be bluntly honest,” Talwar says.Parents might feel their trust has been violated when they catch their children being untruthful, but experts advise to avoid shaming them—or flat-out calling them liars. “That won't necessarily promote the behavior you want,” Talwar says.
For instance, her young son decided to give himself a pretty bad haircut—then maintained for nearly two weeks that his hair had not been cut. Immordino-Yang says she helped him deal with his lie by first confronting him with the evidence then explaining the implications: Although his hair would grow back, he hadn’t been honest to people who trusted him. To help him take responsibility, she encouraged him to apologize to everyone he'd lied to.
The most important way to minimize lying in children is for parents to model truthfulness. For example, refusing a request for a cookie by saying you’ve run out might prevent a tantrum. But once kids realize you’re not being honest, Immordino-Yang says they’ll start to believe that lying is how to get people to do what you want.
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