“He said, ‘How about instead of pretending I’m miraculously going to start cooking and shopping one day, we admit that you’re ‘doing work’ and not just ‘being my girlfriend,’ and I start paying you to do it.’ I said, ‘How much?’”
Photo: Science Museum Photo Studio/SSPL via Getty Images Although my boyfriend Tor is generally good at housework, there is a rather large part of it — shopping, cooking, and cleaning up after cooking — that’s been a challenge for him over the last two years that we’ve lived together. For the first year and a half, I just did all of it, and he did none of it. We knew this was Not How Things Should Be. On the other hand, Tor built furniture all day, and I wrote from 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Tor read this part with great interest/horror. “I feel like you think you have to cook for me because you’re a woman,” he said. “No I don’t,” I said. “That’s ridiculous.” He wasn’t forcing me to cook for him. I knew he’d be fine having a vodka soda and Planters dry roasted peanuts for dinner, but I was cooking for myself anyway, so why not for him? It was all fine. Then I admitted I was lying, or mostly lying.
Before Tor started paying me, it used to embarrass me that my boyfriend made more money than I did. Sometimes he would pay a little bit more of the bills than I did, which would make me feel like a loser, or like maybe that I owed him. Now that the amount of work I did could be quantified by an actual dollar amount, it’s much easier to recognize what I do as actual work.
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