What I learned from COVID writers block | Opinion
From left, brothers Jose Lara, 5, and Elias Lara, 7, gaze up at cloud shapes outside of their home in the Joppa neighborhood in South Dallas on Sunday, Aug. 2, 2020. Contributing columnist Ya'Ke Smith writes about how his son's imagination, which produced an octopus in the clouds, helped him rediscover his creative voice.“I want to see an octopus,” my 6-year-old said as he looked out of the window of the plane.“Nope, I see an octopus right there.
I felt such a sense of accomplishment. The hard work I’d been doing was finally being recognized. “Finally” seems a bit disingenuous, because I’ve been recognized for my filmmaking for years, but this felt different. It was like the accumulation of small accomplishments had stitched together into something finite and not fleeting. The film business, like many other creative industries, can be fickle. It can leave you in one moment feeling invincible and, in the next, invisible.
Before the terms “COVID depression” and “social distance” were thrust into the zeitgeist and became part of our everyday conversation, I had suffered my own mini-depression. After the violent killing of my cousin in, I started seeing a therapist to help me process the devastating toll his loss had on me. Up until then, the way I dealt with most tragedies in my life was to throw myself into work and cope in unhealthy ways. But that would not work this time. I needed something more.
“That loss 20 years ago is presenting itself at this moment. That childhood fear of abandonment is haunting you in ways you don’t even know.” The stillness that came with the pandemic awakened a voice deep inside, one that made me realize that I hadn’t listened to myself in a long while. Even though I continued to create, I hadn’t tapped into my pure creativity in many seasons. The unbridled creative force that resided in me had died. Work had me in a constant state of busyness. I felt the need to say yes to everything and was guilt ridden when I took time for myself.
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