What could possibly be more surreal than finding yourself naked in front of your in-laws? How about spending a weekend naked together with your in-laws?
What could possibly be more surreal than finding yourself naked in front of your in-laws? How about spending a weekend nakedyour in-laws? How about spending a weekend naked together in the south of France with your Parisian in-laws and your toddler when you are freshly widowed, and the occasion is your beloved’s memorial service?
I’d spent the month traveling through Europe with my then-21-month-old daughter in what felt like a fated echo of my post-undergraduate Eurail Pass rite of passage. I’d said yes to unexpected invitations—a mothers-and-children yoga retreat, a seaside wedding. I’d had some fun, even. When surfers die, their brethren enact a ritual called a paddle-out: A group forms a circle in the water, shares words of remembrance, and tosses flowers into the center. There had already been one at Topanga Beach back in L.A. the day before his public memorial, a drone filming overhead, Francois’s empty navy blue wetsuit draped across my board like a boat passenger, a reversal of all the times he’d helped pull me toward the waves.
But as it turns out, living naked in a French nudist paradise, when your life is shattered, doesn’t really feel all that different from living clothed in civilization. Strong waves do cause a bit of unexpected pain when they slap bare breasts, but the usual concern about bikini tops or bottoms falling down is eliminated. Although, when you wade back to a crowded beach from the water, it’s a lot harder to spot your group.
P. and I had spent a week together as part of a group at the beach house I’d rented on Airbnb for Francois’s hospice, not wanting him to leave the earth landlocked. The night before he died, P. helped carry him, nurses looking the other way, for one final baptism in the ocean, despite warnings that the shock of the cold water might kill him. He’d held Francois’s hand during his last breath while our daughter and I slept upstairs.
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