VIRUS DIARY: `When are we going to the playground, Mama?’ By barbaraortutay. First in an occasional series of coronavirus-era personal dispatches by AP journalists everywhere.
Now, I just ask if she wants to get dressed, she says “later, Mama!” and frolics around in pink bunny pajamas then settles to breakfast. I don’t get dressed either. We have pancakes and strawberries and bananas but she asks me to remove the strawberries and bananas. Later I will bribe her with a spoonful of Nutella to eat half a strawberry.
We call her aunt on FaceTime and she grabs the phone out of my hand and scurries inside her play circus tent. The phone drops to the floor. She wants to show her aunt her new tent, which is not new but it’s exciting and it was away for a while. I ask for the phone back. I have to talk to my sister-in-law.
Later we will have a chat on what makes us feel mad and also happy and sad and loved and scared and she will tell me that it makes her feel mad when I don’t let her take the phone with her. She wants to hold it to carry the people on the other end to show them all the things, the same way she’d grab their hand and pull them to follow her. She tells me it makes her happy that her papa and I are home, that hugs make her feel loved and monsters make her feel scared.
She is not scared of the virus, even though I am terrified. She tells her grandparents that the virus hurts old people and that they are old people. Later one night, she asks me if her grandparents will get new again, which is her word for young and this makes sense but I explain to her that no, they won’t. She asked this when I told her that her cat died. She asked if her cat will get new again and come back and I told her that no, she won’t and we cried.
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