To My Ex: Someday You’ll Wish You Had Chosen Your Children

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To My Ex: Someday You’ll Wish You Had Chosen Your Children
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While my ex-husband makes excuses, I'm making memories.

To the father of my children, a stranger in familiar skin, I’m not mad at you. I’m sad for you.I looked at you as I dropped my heart into your apartment this past Friday, the first time you’d had the boys in over a month, and once again was reminded of your reality. I saw the emptiness in your eyes. The same emptiness I always saw. The same emptiness I tried to fill with me. With my love. With your sons.

I smiled at you and pretended everything was fine. I pretended not to notice the truth, only asking if you felt OK.You’re supposed to be a man. A man they look up to and admire. A man they want to be like when they grow up. A man that teaches them how to be men. A man they can rely on.Oh, they love you. And right now, they even look up to you. But you’re not teaching them how to be men, and they certainly can’t rely on you.

I knew you were in alcohol withdrawal. I could see it coming hours earlier. This wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.

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