'I've been a preemie mom, a stay-at-home mom, and a widowed solo mom - and those labels have taught me some valuable lessons.'
encouraged me to go to a meeting for new moms. I went. I went because I was a new mom and I thought that’s what new moms were supposed to do.
Going to that meeting didn’t teach me how to nurse my baby — in retrospect, I shouldn’t have gone. But going did introduce me to the idea that “mom” is only the beginning. Beneath the mom umbrella, there are an infinite number of subgroups, and acknowledging their differences can be an act of kindness — or at least validation.
The end of my maternity leave coincided with the end of my daughter’s NICU stay. When my company called me back, I didn’t go as planned. How could I when she’d finally come home? The moment I traded blazers for leggings, I found myself justifying my choice to leave my legal job and fielding questions about what I did all day in a way I never had to when I stepped into an office every day — as if my day was suddenly all television and bonbons. As if I had to prove something.
As a widowed, solo mom, I also learned the strength of wearing a label and seeking out others wearing the same label. That lesson was invaluable. The community of solo widowed moms I found normalized thoughts and feelings that seemed entirely abnormal. They couldn’t rebuild what had been broken, but I found that sometimes all we need is to know we’re not rebuilding alone.
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