'I know that I appear healthy, but I never feel 100% okay.'
means that I usually get very stiff or freeze up in the mornings and throughout the day, so I have to get up very slowly. I also can’t stand on my feet for too long or else I get swollen feet or knees. This means that things like cooking can be very tedious and I have to use a stool to sit by the cooker. With regards to my OCD, I get quite severe intrusive thoughts and I do routines to keep myself sane and to potentially stop bad things from happening.
Most days I spend in bed, in pain, and in tears. People don’t realize or even believe that you have an “invisible” disability, but that’s not my problem, it’s theirs. It’s devastatingly difficult, but I wipe my face and keep pushing because it gets easier.Being autistic colors the way I see the world in almost every aspect, but because I didn’t get diagnosed till I was almost 19 , I didn’t realize that all my life, I had been making adjustments for myself to survive.
As for my bipolar disorder, I’m having weekly therapy and just started medication. I have to be very aware of my moods, and it can be hard knowing you are tipping into an episode or are in one. Money, relationships, academic studies, and taking on projects are all things I have to be aware of because they can be hugely affected by being depressed or hypomanic.
Having hearing loss in any degree, whether it be birth defect or an injury, is very hard to deal with. There are honestly days when you wake up and feel sorry for yourself. My advice to anyone in a similar situation is that it begins with acceptance. Not merely the acceptance of test results from a hospital, but the mental acceptance: being ready and willing to receive help from doctors and taking all support that’s available. For me, this took three years. Sometimes, I still fight myself.
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