'There’s a lot of shame around single. I’ve felt it my entire life. From a broad, societal view, there’s something wrong with me.'
of myself and others as single on the fucking regular but I am still having trouble mentally preparing for this.These are people who love me, FFS we’ve been friends for 15 years. But every one of them was married before their 30th birthday. We have very limited understanding of each other’s personal lives. And as I prepare for a weekend with them, I’m trying to get my head right around shame.For me, single shame isn’t real. It’s just something society invented.
I don’t live a shameful life. I actively work to address and resolve any shame within it. I love having friends over, but I’ve always been ashamed of my space. I’m moving into a space I’m proud of, I’ll be there by the time you read this. I found a lot of shame in dating apps. Iin February and I haven’t looked back. I’m getting better at saying what I want out loud, andI don’t hide my desires and intentions as much anymore because I’m too ashamed to think I deserve them.
There really isn’t anything to be ashamed of if you’re single, not when you think about it internally, rather than externally. And fuck externally. I’m not ashamed of making 100% of the decisions, 100% of the time. I’m not ashamed of taking up my entire bed without worrying I’m going to wake someone up every time I move. I’m not ashamed of how free I feel, ever.
Society will always be a bit of a slow burn when it comes to ending single’s status as sad and shameful. So there will always be situations and events where my singleness is discussed in terms of the shame the world thinks I should be feeling. I’ll get better at addressing those one-offs each time. I’ll get better at communicating the real good in being single, rather than accepting the presumed embarrassment.
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