When a couple breaks up, who gets the friends? belladepaulo explores new research.
The participants categorized the friends in terms of who they saw as “owning” them, and their reactions to losing custody of friends depended on who they thought the friends belonged to.Some friends were seen as belonging to the ex. The participants may have felt badly about losing those friends, but the loss was not surprising.. Some friends were regarded as mutual—“owned” by both partners. Losing custody of a mutual friend was often painful and confusing.
The once-coupled participants had done what so many others do when they became seriously involved with a romantic partner: They marginalized their friends. They didn’t seem to feel badly about it. And yet, once their relationship ended and they were single again, they were dismayed if the friends they had neglected were not there to support them.
Mutual friends “forgot” to invite them to events with other couples, perhaps some of the same couples they socialized with when they, too, were part of a couple.Coupled people avoided them, fearing that theirCoupled women distanced themselves from single women, concerned that the single women may have posed a threat to their own romantic relationship.
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