“We are not truly free until any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from [our] own.” | via philstarlife
. “So we can lovingly respond more slowly,” maybe redirect them to alternative sources of help until we become less available overall.I was never a big believer in staying silent to keep the peace, especially when it comes to issues that directly affect me. So when someone I trusted started wielding my deepest fears to hurt my feelings, I knew a huge confrontation was about to take place.
During this painful time, I expected my best friend to stand by my side. But being the Miss Congeniality of our batch, she chose to step away from the issue completely instead of extending any form of support. Worst of all, whenever I’d explicitly ask her to take a stand, she’d accuse me of pressuring her into making a decision she didn’t want.People pleasers are generally in denial that they’re hurting others in the process, even though we explicitly tell them so.
The problem with these “friends” is that they actually possess redeeming qualities. Mine, for instance, matched my sense of humor almost exactly: we often messaged each other jokes and memes back and forth, in rapid succession. This made her absence during key moments in my life incredibly palpable. When I would gain academic achievements or freelance opportunities, she was either out of reach or making active efforts to dodge these topics in our conversations.
But it bears repeating that one of the main tenets of friendship is treating their successes as our own, and vice versa. Those who can’t be happy for us have their own issues to work through, and it’s not our responsibility to wait for them to sort those out before we can feel fully happy about ourselves.This was the most painful one I had to deal with, primarily because I never thought it would happen.
I’m about to close this chapter of my life and move on to meeting people in the workplace, where opportunities for shared vulnerability are few and far between and genuine interactions can sadly be marred by office politics. But nevertheless, I’d like to think I’m more prepared to take this challenge on, and less likely to take it to heart when they don’t flourish. I am not defined by my failed friendships anyway.
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