How to steel yourself and think on your feet in the moment.
If you’re in a leadership role, or any role where you’re putting yourself and your ideas out there in an outspoken and visible way, chances are that at some point people are going to criticize you, sometimes fiercely, sometimes publicly. Are you ready for that?
AMY BERNSTEIN: Today, Ruchika runs a consultancy through which she advises executives on diversity, equity, and inclusion. She also gives talks and writes books about DEI and posts about it on LinkedIn. In putting herself out there, she’s faced a lot of pushback that ranges from skepticism to downright harassment, and she’s had to find ways to cope, and she’ll share those with us.
PATTI NEUHOLD-RAVIKUMAR: As a university president, you’re in the spotlight. Everything you say can and will be used in some form or fashion to either represent what you believe or feel or what you believe or feel in relationship to the university. And so, you have to be very thoughtful about the representation that you’re putting forward for the number of people that are leaning on you for leadership.
. Yeah, what a mistake, because I read the first one, it was great. Second one…kept scrolling down, and then I get to a review titled—titled—not even buried in a review, titled, “I don’t like Amy B.” And that was just, it was like a slap across the face. I am a little embarrassed how much it hurt. And we had run out of all of those tricks in our bag to do everything we could to push it off as long as we could. And it was time to deal with it.
So, I never felt it was directly aimed at me because I was a female. But I will say I was criticized more heavily and probably challenged about my credentials more than others. I remember in one of the student protests, one of the students said, “Do you feel like you’re competent to do your job?” And I thought—first of all, they were all wearing masks because it was kind of in the middle of COVID time, deep COVID times.
RUCHIKA TULSHYAN: I have to say that I’m really glad we’re having this conversation because I think a lot of the traditional management and leadership advice of, PATTI NEUHOLD-RAVIKUMAR: That’s a great, great point, Ruchika. Thank you for sharing that. It triggers something for me too because I too, I mean, I want to be liked. Who doesn’t want to be liked? So, it stings when people attack you personally or say,PATTI NEUHOLD-RAVIKUMAR: I’m so sorry. But you have to have the courage to be disliked. And that’s something that I think we’re not so practiced at.
I actually had somebody, I said, ask me some questions that you would think will come my way. And people would ask me questions and I’d think,And lo and behold, I would get some of those questions. But it was great because I had already prepared my mind to hear it, whether I had prepared an answer or not. I had prepared my mind not to be shocked in that moment or caught off guard.
AMY BERNSTEIN: The part about hearing what was actually said makes a lot of sense to me when people are asking why are you making those cuts? Does it play in at all when someone is questioning your competence? AMY BERNSTEIN: I mean, one way to do that I have found is to say, “That’s a really interesting question. Give me a second to think about that.” Even though what’s going through my mind is,RUCHIKA TULSHYAN: I really find so much of commonality in what Patti is talking about with other experiences I’ve had with criticism. Now, when someone makes an ad hominem attack on who I am as a woman, as a person of color or whatever it is, for me, I’ve had to really categorize that as bullying.
And so Amy, I’m really curious, are there other stories or other situations where you’ve faced the fire, and how you dealt with it? PATTI NEUHOLD-RAVIKUMAR: So, you know what I love about that story though, Amy, and thank you for sharing it because I feel like I’ve been there as well as a manager, and I’ve received some of that similar feedback. And what I didn’t hear that I appreciate was an apology in what you said to that person, that you responded and you accepted the criticism and you accepted the possibility that it was legitimate, that it was real, that it was not just their perception, that it was actually happening.
There’s zero escape when you are at the top. So I took responsibility for everything. I didn’t talk about responsibility in those words, but I did say when I was questioned about that, that as a CFO, I advised the president, but in the end, the president makes the decisions, and that’s where we are today. And that’s what I would remind them: Here I am, I now the president, and no matter what I’m advised, no matter who all is involved in this, the decision rests with me.
PATTI NEUHOLD-RAVIKUMAR: Great points Ruchika, and I would add to those that anecdotally, I think that women spend more time trying to build and support or gain support for an idea before they take it out and launch that decision.
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