CHICAGO—After more than two decades of watching over and providing for him, the nation's television and processed food industries announced this week that they couldn't be more happy with how Brian Madsen, 23, has turned out.
CHICAGO—After more than two decades of watching over and providing for him, the nation's television and processed food industries announced this week that they couldn't be more happy with how Brian Madsen, 23, has turned out.
"We're just so proud of Brian and everything he's failed to accomplish in his largely sedentary and insipid life," said ABC president Stephen McPherson, whose network was there to receive the Chicago-area infant the day he came home from the hospital.
Jo Ann Smith, board member of the frozen meals conglomerate Tyson Foods, said she was equally delighted with the dangerously obese young man her company helped raise. According to the wistful executive, she still remembers the first time her "little darling Brian," then only 13 months old, took his first steps toward a plate of deep fried chicken strips, completely ignoring a bowl of fresh fruit as he toddled by.
Fox TV executive Mike Darnell told reporters that it didn't seem so long ago that a frightened and confused Madsen turned to his television set late one night with questions about sex, and an episode of"It's little things like that you remember most," said Darnell, whose network also taught Madsen "everything he knows" about disconnecting from reality and staring slack-jawed out into space.
In addition, Coca-Cola executives said they would never "in a million years" forget the scare they received one morning when Madsen briefly expressed interest in joining a nearby YMCA."To see him all grown-up and ready to face the world is incredibly exciting," said Craig Johnson, president of Philip Morris USA, whose company stepped in and helped the shy and directionless boy to become a man.
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