Now that anniemarie_ and her husband don't do it face to face, they argue super productively.
Every now and again I’ll open my laptop to find an email from my husband with the subject line “Let’s Talk.” Perhaps the two most dreaded words in the history of relationships, and a phrase one that calls up images of unpleasant conversation to come—awkward silences, defensive overreacting, maybe even raised voices and trying to talk through tears. But in our relationships, “let’s talk” isn’t the nightmare fuel it used to be because in our relationship.
The more I thought about the issue and came up with ways to solve it, the less urgent it became, and the pressure I felt to rage my way to the changes I wanted start to lift. As I let go of my need to unleash my anger, I was able to think about things more clearly, including all the things my husbanddo around the house and how unfairly my original draft had characterized him and his contributions to our home.
For us, the medium felt natural. As we both acquired smartphones , it was an instinctive way to communicate—whether we were reminding each other to buy plane tickets or using it as away to air our grievances. Working things out via email allowed me to communicate in a way that I was lousy at verbally and it gave Nate an equal voice in our arguments.
Since we’ve started airing our grievances via email, we’re now better at fighting fairly at home. Digital communication has taught us the art of thinking before you speak and giving both partners a chance to be heard.anxiously attached
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