Most therapists are trained to have a neutral stance in therapy. But in times of shared trauma, staying neutral may not the best approach.
Most therapists are taught to be neutral in order to understand their patients in a non-judgmental way.Therapists who share their own grief with patients can connect with them on a more human level.
And they want to know how I am coping. They ask, “How are you doing? Do you have anyone over there? Is everyone OK?” But this is different. This is a shared moment of grief. This is something that happened to all of us at the same time. It is not the loss of my own loved one or my own personal disappointment. This is something my patients know I have experienced with them in real-time.
I asked this same question 22 years ago, days after two planes destroyed the Twin Towers eight miles from my therapy office. The sidewalks were empty, and the smell of smoke hung in the air as I walked to see patients on September 13. Terror and loss were part of my life and the lives of my patients. I knew they would ask, “How are you? Is everyone in your family OK?” as all New Yorkers were asking each other.
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