The long-running series in which readers answer other readers’ questions on subjects ranging from trivial flights of fancy to profound scientific and philosophical concepts
My granny always said that the greatest test of a relationship was whether you could put up wallpaper together without falling out.Embrace the mundane and the pedestrian. It’s about feeling comfortable together, lots of little moments of joy, and the knowledge that fiery arguments don’t lead to break-ups.
A deep, meaningful relationship grows over time. Sure, have the hot, heady first few months, but look beyond this. Last year, I lost my life partner of 26 years. We were best mates, bickered a lot, laughed a lot; we were content to be doing nothing as long as we could be doing it in each other’s company. I knew what he was going to say before he’d said it and he knew me better than I know myself. Having somebodyNow that he’s gone, I think back to all the unremarkable moments we spent together, all the ordinary life that happened while we were together, and it was beautiful.
Now that he’s gone, I still feel like that. I’m still David’s girl and that’s how I know that our relationship was real. I’ll love him for ever. So, to answer your question, in my opinion, you’ll have to stick with a relationship to know if it’s real. Only when you’ve been in it for a while, or only when you look back on it, will you know. It’s a risk you’ll have to take.I remember recently waiting for my partner to meet me for a coffee.
Humour, communication, trust, sex and love also matter, but get the first bit right and you’ll be very happy.If you feel like you can tell them anything without fear of repercussions. If they make you feel better about your body than you did before. If they encourage you to see your friends.
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