Take a peek inside a healthcare worker's life during the COVID-19 crisis.
. And that was before COVID reared its head again with the Delta and Omicron variants.
This fall, the pandemic became even more personal to me. My mother, who is in her late 60s, called me with a positive test. She was fully vaccinated, but I could hear her voice was weaker than usual. She told me her chest was heavy, and all I could think of was the patients I had seen fighting to breathe. I put on the N95 mask that I keep in the back of my closet with a shield that an acquaintance had 3D-printed for me in Brooklyn in 2020.
As I looked at my mother on the stretcher, she suddenly seemed so small to me. My mind flashed back to a moment from spring 2020 where a patient I had admitted lay dying in the ER. I remembered speaking on the phone to his children, who could not say goodbye to their father in person. My own mother went on to recover, and now has only minor lingering symptoms. But the whole episode has proven hard for me to shake.
All the physicians that I know are struggling with exhaustion. In many cases, that exhaustion can tip over into anxiety and depression. And there’s a dark irony in the fact that even psychiatrists like me, who specialize in treating these issues, can find it difficult to confide in others about them when we experience them ourselves. In one-on-one conversations, I’ve gradually learned just how many of my fellow colleagues have started antidepressant medication during the pandemic.
If there are any positive outcomes from this long crisis, one might be that it forces physicians to become more comfortable acknowledging our own struggles with mental health. Additionally, hopefully, the culture of medical training will be forced to make large sweeping changes. Ultimately, I believe that in order for this country to provide exceptional patient care, we need to protect and bolster the mental health of healthcare workers.
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