A husband who couldn’t see past his wife’s lack of productivity during the pandemic writes in with an update about his life and their marriage.
] back then and all the critical comments — from you and from readers — were 100 percent deserved. As it turns out, fate intervened: Shortly after my wife and I decided to divorce, my parents both contracted covid-19 and ended up passing away.
We uncovered a lot of issues from my childhood — notably that my parents equated not being the “best” with worthlessness. Even more so, they believed that life was something to be suffered through with grim determination, and that enjoying oneself was almost always inappropriate. For example, when I was 12, I woke up one day to find my beloved piano had been sold — because I was “having too much fun and treating it like a toy.
This all resulted in my being incredibly critical of people who could simply find joy in things, hence my treatment of my wife, as well as a tendency to pursue activities I didn't even like that much due to a fear that I would otherwise be “bad.”Intensive therapy helped immensely.
I will certainly be making amends for years to come, but actually feel happy and hopeful now. I am just sorry I wasted so many years and caused so much pain in the process.I am weeping. What a horrific form of abuse you suffered.
“I suspect Productive doesn’t particularly like himself, either. That’s the toxicity of the cult of productivity. It convinces us we’re worthless if we’re not constantly checking items off a to-do list.”