Perspective: “After my ADHD diagnosis, I no longer force myself to hide who I am or try to justify the way I move through the world.”
Externally, though, I kept my face neutral, nodding when she explained that most antidepressants took months to be effective and often had intense side effects. In contrast, she said, ADHD medication often gave patients who did have the diagnosis immediate relief. She ended up prescribing me Adderall and asked me to check in later that same week, after taking three to four 10-milligram doses.
Just because I saw my symptoms in the literature — which was, admittedly, a relief — didn’t mean that I saw myself. Because while I’ve found research that focuses on either the gendered or racial manifestations of ADHD, I’ve yet to find anything that imagines a patient like me, who lives life at the intersection of the two.
Although there is no way to change the past, my diagnosis has motivated me to rewrite my future. Medication has been a huge part of that: Since starting on Adderall, I no longer live with incessant irritability and indigestion, I don’t wake up frozen with overwhelm, and I haven’t had a stress dream in weeks.
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