Plus, we finally get season 13's cast taglines, and they are…something.
Despite being frustrated with Joe’s absence—”this is just gonna be the next thing that Teresa holds over his head”—Melissa does attend Teresa and Luis’ housewarming to represent La Famiglia Gorga and “keep peace in the family.” Things are already chilly between Zia Melissa and her nieces, Gia and Milania, at the backyard shindig but fully frost over after Teresa’s welcome speech, during which she references the attendees as “our chosen family…we wouldn’t want anyone else here but you.
“That’s a dick thing to say,” Marge tells Melissa. “What the fuck was that for?” Melissa tearfully excuses herself to the bathroom. “At certain times I try to be strong for Joe but I have my own breaking points,” she adds in a talking head. “I just don’t get it, these subtle digs.” Teresa, meanwhile, is too busy “Melissa collects herself enough to go gab with Jackie and admits that she relayed Jackie’s dig about Danielle’s “hamper shorts” to the new housewife.
“I didn’t look like Rachel Fuda at 31. I was 223 [pounds,] which is actually Evander Holyfield’s weight when he won the heavyweight championship!” Jennifer gleefully reveals, before waving a well-manicured finger and telling Rachel that, no, she does not want to share her margherita pizza with her, thank you. Upgrade her to main cast, STAT.
Speaking of food, Danielle’s reaction to the expansive spread at Teresa’s housewarming was pure nonna energy. “I was gonna bring Tupperware in my purse…I’ll walk out with a whole tray, do not tempt me!”
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