Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones

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Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones
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30-Year-Old Married, Pregnant Law School Grad Needs To Slow It Down

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Annoyed sources confirmed this week that married and pregnant local woman Ashley Canfield will not stop achieving significant life milestones, unanimously agreeing that the 30-year-old law school graduate seriously needs to just cool it with the achievements.

According to friends and acquaintances, Canfield’s frustrating succession of landmark life events began immediately after college, when she was able to land a solid entry-level position within just weeks of graduation. At the age of 26, Canfield moved out of the apartment she shared with roommates and into a one-bedroom of her own, prompting many to question whether Canfield’s nonstop milestones were becoming a bit too much.

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