Dr. Kate White was 7 months pregnant when she lost her baby girl, Samantha.
“After the initial burst of support and flowers, no one wants to talk about it because they’re afraid of getting you upset or doing it badly,” White said. “Meanwhile, you're feeling so broken.”“They can say something like, ‘Would you like funny memes? Are you ready to go out for drinks? What would feel good right now?’” White said. “That will remind her that she’s not alone.
“If someone had left a basket filled with cheese popcorn, Diet Coke and trash magazines on my front steps — I would have started crying,” she said.“No one ever asked my husband how he was doing or if he needed services,” she said. “He was grieving the loss of his daughter — but the focus was all on me. It’s important to keep in mind that there are two people — potentially more — who are experiencing grief.”When White returned to work as an OB-GYN, she saw pregnant patients every single day.
"I wasn't bothered by pregnant people. They reminded me that happiness was still possible," White said."What I was bothered by was the things that were reminders of the baby I lost, like whenever I heard the name Samantha. For a long time I couldn't say the name Samantha without crying."White's family has planted a"Samantha" tree in the backyard of every home they have lived in. They also had a star named after her as a way of keeping her memory alive.
“When a grandparent dies, you have all these rituals. There’s a funeral, there’s a cemetery, there are all these things that can help you process the grief,” White said. “But after miscarriage, there’s nothing. So the trick is to create remembrances that give proper respect to the life that was there.”
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