Dear How to Do It: My 50-year-old mother has discovered Tinder—and she has already brought a guy back to my place during a visit.
My mother and father divorced more or less amicably five years ago, when all of us kids were already out of the house. Since then, she’s been living in our childhood home in the same Midwestern suburb where we grew up, working part time, dating, and adjusting to living by herself for the first time in almost 30 years.
While you’re waiting for that appointment, if you can find a willing partner, you can do more research. Try different kinds of touch—slow, gentle, firm, fast, for starters—and figure out where the range of what you can tolerate is. The more information you can tell the therapist, the better.You might also want to think about what sex is to you. Solo sex sometimes gets talked about as lesser than, or becomes a joke. I think that’s unfortunate.
It can be really easy to end up feeling like a ball of damage. I urge you to focus on your resilience. You say missionary is probably the only trauma-related trigger you have sexually now, which implies that there used to be others. What happened to them? I’m almost certain that what happened involved some hard work and a lot of fortitude on your part.
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