Alcohol abuse is endemic in the restaurant industry. Chef and restaurant owner Jae Lee explains how and why he put his drinking on pause.
I knew it was time to stop something I loved when I no longer felt joy cooking. It’s been a year since I’ve quit drinking. During the pandemic I was extremely stressed like everyone else. It was only when I quit drinking that I realized I was a borderline alcoholic. I had a toxic relationship with alcohol. Even when I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t always clear-minded.
I built up a high tolerance so the tabs weren’t cheap. After 10 years of what felt like professional drinking, I needed about three to four vodka sodas, plus three beers and five shots to get me drunk. I would drunkenly gorge on tacos or a chicken cutlet sandwich at 2 a.m., fall asleep, only to wake up at 6 a.m. feeling like a bloated mess. Drinking fed my ego and I loved it.I would pride myself on working hungover and outworking the maybe-sober cook or dining room staff.
One month after the injury, I quit my comfy executive chef role to launch a series of pop-ups called Him, which means strength in Korean. I felt it was time for me to try doing something I could call my own before I turned 30 years old. It didn’t occur to me then to take a closer look at my relationship with alcohol. I was ready to move on to the next challenge and bury any emotion that was leading me to drink.
I reopened the restaurant in April 2020. I slowly started to bring back the staff which gave me hope that it would all work out. Then came outdoor dining! Then indoor dining at 25 percent capacity! Just when I thought the worst was over, the virus surged again, and I had to shut down indoor dining in December 2020. Outdoor dining seemed impossible in the cold weather, so I made the difficult decision to close for another month. Mandates on top of mandates.
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