People ask me if there’s a less offensive way to ask about our realness—and the answer is, no.
Our first child came to us after 14 months of waiting. I remember the first time we took our newborn, black daughter to the mall—killing time while we waited for permission to leave Missouri and return to our home in another state. We were stopped by multiple people who noticed the tiny baby nestled against my chest in the carrier—all of them seeking a peek. Imagine their surprise when I moved the fabric to the side and they realized the baby wasn’t white.
We’re often met with second glances, smiles and nods, and even a kind, “You have a beautiful family.” Then there are those who make a beeline for us, determined to fire away their burning questions.Do your kids see their biological families?Now that you’ve adopted, are you going to try to have a baby?We’re also met with compliments-of-sorts, some problematic but always well-intentioned.
I know—it’s very hard for people outside of the adoption realm to grasp. They can’t imagine missing out on pregnancy, gender reveal parties, child birth, and baby showers. I don’t see physical resemblances between myself and my kids. I didn’t give birth to them. My son isn’t named Steve Jr. after his dad. But that doesn’t make my kids less than what they are—my real kids.
You see, real love is about relationship. After all, I’m guessing you aren’t biologically related to your partner—but the love you share is legit. It’s no more or less real, because you don’t share strands of DNA.
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