Dear How to Do It: He always ends up giggling or undermining me.
I am a 34-year-old woman and have been with the same great guy for almost a decade, married six years. He was my first long-term relationship and my first longstanding sexual partner. I have been on the small end of plus-sized since puberty and suffered from crippling body dysmorphia through my teens and 20s. I was convinced that men wouldn’t find me attractive.
As for exploring your dominant side on your own, I’ve got some ideas. Read, or write erotic fiction. Cleis Press has a great catalog of anthologies by theme, Bellessa is a female-focused adult site with several BDSM stories, and Literotica is a vast online repository. Imagine yourself as the dominant character in these stories, or write out your fantasies. This can be both release and rehearsal, giving you practice in your imagination that will come in handy when you’re doing domination live.