Miss Manners: I don’t want to attend my homophobic nephew’s wedding, can I blame absence of RSVP on incorrectly addressed invitation?

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Miss Manners: I don’t want to attend my homophobic nephew’s wedding, can I blame absence of RSVP on incorrectly addressed invitation?
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: ... My oldest brother and I have never gotten along, and one of the many issues at the core of the disagreement was my coming out many years ago.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the youngest of three brothers. My oldest brother and I have never gotten along, and one of the many issues at the core of the disagreement was my coming out many years ago.

He has six children, and one of his sons is now getting married. In the past, I have been within earshot of this nephew spouting homophobic comments. I recently received a “Save the Date” for his wedding. The preprinted envelope had my last name wrong, and the address was also incorrect -- reducing a four-digit number to just three digits. I am really surprised the envelope made it to my mailbox. My spouse’s name was nowhere to be found.

GENTLE READER: The proper response to an unwelcome wedding invitation is a neutral letter regretting the fact that you will not -- for unnamed reasons -- be able to attend. Am I being too sensitive, or is this actually rude? I’m happy to help, but is there a good way to respond to this query that doesn’t reinforce the use of the phrase?

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