... my love of homemade gifts and handwritten letters were criticized as attempts to be unique and likable, not genuine acts of etiquette.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attempt to use proper etiquette in my daily life. I’m far from perfect, and mistakes happen, but I do try my hardest to be polite in all things.
I once asked him if we could stop at a store so I could purchase a cupcake as an apology for a director. My then-friend refused to take me, as I was “trying too hard to be liked.” I will admit that I do enjoy being known as a polite and charitable person, but I don’t know how to respond to an accusation of only using manners as a means to an end. Is that a thought I should even entertain?
It is no great insight to notice that etiquette is performative. There are formulas for words and gestures to convey intention and emotion. If you inconvenience someone, even inadvertently -- or justifiably, in your case with the missed rehearsal, as it involved illness -- you apologize as an acknowledgment of that person’s feelings. Accompanying this by a token present gives it extra charm. A handwritten letter shows appreciation for others’ efforts.
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