In newyorkerhumor: a comprehensive guide to your very first vacation as a couple.
You and the love of your life are planning an international holiday together. It’s special! It’s exciting! You’re calling it a “holiday” because it’s more European that way! This guide will help you make the most of your whirlwind adventure.Lie extensively about what you enjoy doing on vacation.
Stare at a painting of a sad, buxom peasant next to a horse, and think about how you once puked during a screening of “Wreck-It Ralph,” and how this moment is much worse than that. Sit on a bench while your partner painstakingly reads every plaque, resenting their childlike sense of wonder, then quietly devour a granola bar in the bathroom because you are still hungry from not eating your expensive hoof.Attempt the kind of athletic sex that you imagine people have on vacation .
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