A fast-growing body of scientific research supports the far-reaching health benefits of social connectedness, and this is especially the case for intimate partnerships.
Our reasons for choosing to be in close relationships are crucial to their quality and durability.When beleaguered couples come to my office for counseling, it’s usually helpful to start the therapeutic ball rolling by empathizing with the couple‘s presenting complaints and to duly compliment them for their humility and their courage to come in for treatment.
Tasked in this way, some partners sink into a deep abyss of self-reflection from which they don't always seem to fully emerge. Others go blank or are puzzled by questions that would seem to have obvious answers. And yet for others, this"soul-searching" exercise is as enlightening as it can be labor-intensive.
However, this bristling litany of accusations and complaints partners aim at each other is way off target. That is, by launching their attacks partners deny, dodge or otherwise obfuscate answers to the hard questions before them, yielding to the shallow veneer of description over deeper causative explanations.Without doubt, their despairing, heartfelt complaints evoke my concern and compassion.
With some gentle, nudging encouragement, many partners fairly quickly arrive at a patently valid bottom-line reason: They choose to be tightly coupled in a close relationship as opposed to being without one and alone.
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