Being intersex is almost as common as having red hair, yet no one ever talks about it. Here's one family's story of raising an intersex child.— PrideMonth
. A few more pushes and Rosie made her grand entrance, wriggling and wailing and perfectly pink. A nurse held up the alert newborn for her parents to see. Their baby girl appeared to be a baby boy.As Eric, he got a closer look at his newborn. Rosie didn’t look like their son, Silas, had at birth. And once the cord was cut, the nurse didn’t place Rosie on Stephani’s chest, but whisked the baby to the examination area across the room. The atmosphere quickly went from celebratory to subdued.
There are more than a dozen intersex conditions—the majority are genetic while some are caused by atypical cell division. In many cases, hormones affect a child’s development in utero. For instance, a woman may take male hormones tobefore knowing she’s pregnant, or produce them through an ovarian tumour. Intersex conditions also occur when babies produce high levels of male hormones or are unable to respond to them.
“We’re trying to get away from this unnecessary urgency that’s created when intersex babies are born,” Zieselman says. “Before you start feminizing or masculinizing their genitals, wait and see how your child adjusts, get a better grip on what their gender identity is and let them decide what to do with their own body. Surgery is a huge risk because you don’t know what any child’s gender identity is going to be, intersex or not.
No one asked the Lohmans about their values, but when they shared their views, the urologist doubled down. He said Rosie could get urinary tract infections and wouldn’t be able to menstruate. Eric shot back that menstruating is a concern for a 13-year-old, not a three-day-old. The Canadian Paediatric Society doesn’t have a position statement on the care of intersex children, and hospitals have different practices.hospitals with DSD teams and found that only 11 percent discuss with parents and put in writing whether a procedure is medically necessary or elective, and whether or not it’s reversible. Just over half of hospitals impose a “thinking period” between discussion of treatment and decision-making.
“We’ve been filled with self-loathing that just doesn’t go away,” Holmes says of the intersex community. The physical harms include reduced sexual sensation, pain, scars and the removal of desired body parts. The emotional harms can include feelings of shame,and parental estrangement. “Parents are not the owner of the future of the child,” Holmes says. “They are the custodians of the child for a temporary period of time, and their job is to protect them from being undone.
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