Rummaging through my clutter, I found something that reminded me of the love I always deserved.
” Hours later, I would see Mico, in his striped shirt and stripped down smile, waiting outside my room before I could even text him to meet up.
That mindset rejected a change even when my realm pulled Mico in—along with his white shirt and punk rock Spotify playlists—but I did start to think about serendipity, and how we can all, at least once, become lucky. Which reminds me: Maybe it’s because of how this letter was given all along—the day we parted ways. Come to think of it, these maybes are, at their best, uncertainties.
What is love? Was this love? Was the way he saved me from his darkness love? Was the way he never told ‘I love you,’ makes it not love? Or him not saying it so I wouldn’t expect anything IS love? Was the way I asked “how are you?” after all the mind games makes it love? Was my patience and understanding equal to love? Was taking naps side by side inside the LRT love? Was spending five hours in the rain waiting for me makes it love? Was being beside me—whether I painted protest cards, practiced...
When you’re young and it’s the first time you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel your heart getting jagged lines in its core and having holes in the parts where it used to shine, you’d think how it’s so impossible to live another day without hearing the name of who used to send its drum beats. It was the first time our home bathroom witnessed me weep for a solid 15 minutes, and the first time I had to skip the whole of my favorite playlist.
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