Why it's so important to notice and reciprocate a partner's bids for connection—and how to do it well
John Gottman's research shows that marriages are more likely to last when couples turn towards each others' bids for connection.Thinking of bids as scene initiations can help partners identify bids for connection.A husband and wife are strolling through their town. The wife stops at a shop and admires the wares, “Hun, these would look so cute in our sitting room.”Two wives hurry to get their two young children out the door in the morning.
In improv parlance, bids are a lot like initiations. For those who don’t know, improv comedy is when people spontaneously make up a scene. An initiation is what one of the improvisers says or does to get the improvised scene started. An initiation is similar to a bid, an appeal for connection. A good improviser pays careful attention to an initiation so they can turn towards it and use it to collaboratively create a scene with their partner.
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