Dear How to Do It: I’m worried that, given her upbringing, a video wouldn’t be well-received.
At 28, I’m bi and in my first multi-year relationship with another woman. My girlfriend is a lesbian and is uncomfortable with the fact that I’m not, but I still feel like I need to recognize/identify myself as someone who’s into women but also others. In my previous long-term relationships with men, it felt like they didn’t take my queerness seriously, or treated my queer celebrity crushes, friendships, porn interests, and activism as “cute.
But of course, you know this from experience. And these issues, as your letter illustrates, appear within the queer community as well. Sonja believes “that people think they’re ‘punching up’ when they openly speak with disgust about bisexuals in a way they wouldn’t speak of other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Your attraction to other genders actually has nothing to do with your partner, and her discomfort has nothing to do with you. It’s her job to process why she feels so uncomfortable with your attraction to people of other genders. It is not your job to bear the burden of her discomfort. If she decides she can’t get over a core piece of your identity, neither of you will be happy staying in this relationship. You seem to have a strong sense of identity, which is something to be proud of.
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