Dear How to Do It: I think my “doctor” kink might be a little intense.
I’m glad that you asked this because it gives me an opportunity to clarify and hopefully render my philosophy with added nuance. In previous columns, after consulting with at least one expert, I effectively co-signed fantasizing during sex for two reasons. The first is that I don’t believe in thought crimes. Thinking isn’t the problem; acting can be. You and I are ideologically dissimilar in that I see a great deal of difference between fantasizing about sex with someone else and acting on it.
Now, to your point, I think that what you describe is an ideal, and one I could get behind as being more or less “the goal.” What you describe demanding and having is extremely connected sex, which I promote in this column and pursue in real life. I enjoy and advocate others’ achievement of the flow state during sex where it all comes so naturally that no one’s really thinking much of anything at all, they’re just in the moment and the orgasms just seem to flow.
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