I Stopped Using Exclamation Points and Lost All My Friends

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I Stopped Using Exclamation Points and Lost All My Friends
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Free yourself from the shackles of prescribed punctuation. (From 2019)

Ambiguous winky face aside, I was amazed. Never in my years of overthinking textual relations had I ever dreamt that unadorned directness would get me the result I wanted. "Maybe there's something to this," I thought. My cleanse would accomplish what so much Jungian therapy had not: the unification of my fractured psyche.

As the day wore on, my main problem was speed. Crafting a response took twice as long as it used to. My untrained fingers ached for that seductive mark while my "rational" brain shooed them away. Then I remembered I had a secret weapon, an ace up my sleeve that was made exactly for diluting potentially fraught conversations with some color and sparkle:It didn't end at purple hearts.

By nighttime, though, I was somewhat off my emoji roll as I dashed from bus to home to evening plans. People were picking up that something was different, my effusive iBanter inexplicably subdued. On my way to meet for dinner, my friend texted:My dear friend unravelled right before my eyes, all thanks to my dumb experiment in self-preservation. Without exclamation, I lost warmth and tonality. No one knew what I meant anymore.

The next day in the office, I encountered another difficulty: cross-platform consistency. Notifications from Slack sirens and Gchat ghouls blared, each one beckoning me to fail. But there were some benefits. Typing on a computer instead of a teeny cellular screen gave me the room to spread out. I still felt like I was being mean, but now my hostility was less spatially confined. At work, I was also protected under the guise of.

Back in my social world, I was floundering. I started using extra vowels and em-dashes to add some architecture to my sentences. I was quickly informed that nothing incites fear more than a sentence that trails off, and that my attempt at introducing aurban feel

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