When Catherine Cho could no longer face looking at her newborn son, she knew something was very wrong. This is her story
Catherine Cho was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – a rare but serious mental illness that affects new mums – shortly after the birth of her first son.explains, postpartum psychosis is 'very different from the"baby blues"'. It usually comes on suddenly within the first two weeks of giving birth, and symptoms include delusions, hallucinations, manic high and low moods and a loss of inhibitions.Inferno: A MemoirI didn’t know that becoming a mother would involve fear.
Perhaps I was being overly confident, but I didn’t want to live with fear. I made a point of going outside with our son, we invited guests to our home, we went out to pubs, we rode the tube and the bus. All the while, the fear was waiting for us. When my son was two months old, we flew to California and went to a friend’s wedding. Our son wore padded headphones and slept in my husband’s arms while we danced. We made our way across the coast to Virginia and then finally to New Jersey, my in-laws’ house.
I watched my son sleep, staying awake at night, making sure that I could still hear his steady breaths. What if he stopped breathing? What if he choked on his milk? What if he flipped over and got caught in a blanket?These fears triggered a psychotic episode; postpartum psychosis. The onset of which happened very suddenly. After being warned not to shake my son, because I could blind him, I started to see devils in his eyes.
He recognised the change in me immediately. He was very concerned because I couldn’t stay still, because I was having difficulty breathing, and because I was speaking in a manic way, without making sense. He tried to calm me down, he wanted to figure out what was wrong. He thought that if I could just sleep, then I would get better.
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