To help men unlearn the damaging narratives they learn around their sexuality and replace them with healthier ideas, here are some things a sex coach likes to teach men about consent—although they really apply to all of us.
Men often ask me how to ask for consent without ruining the mood or interrupting the flow. And there are plenty of ways to do that.
A simple"can I kiss you?" by the way, isn't at all unsexy. You can also initiate a kiss but rather than touching your lips to theirs, go halfway and see if they meet you. "I'd like to stroke your hair; would you enjoy that?" When you start getting sexual with someone, another approach you can use is to make a game of asking for consent:"Do you want me to ___? Oh yeah? Beg for it.""I'll only do it if you ask nicely. So if you really want it, tell me 'yes please.'"
Don't worry too much about how smooth your lines are. If someone's into you and wants to sleep with you, they're unlikely to turn you down just because you care about their consent. Even though I teach about consent, I believe we should have a higher standard for our sexual encounters.
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