Of course that fierce, forever love is a given—but the actual daily vagaries of parenting? For me, and a growing number of moms, that’s a hard pass.
The first time I said it out loud, I was alone in the bathroom at home.—and nothing about parenting my two kids, ages eight and four, was going remotely well. But it was more than just a rough night; it was a stark and deeply unpleasant sense that there had been many nights like this and there would be many more to come. In that moment of fluorescent-lit honesty, I finally admitted it, choking back tears: “I hate this.
There was the thirtysomething woman at a party a few years ago who confessed to me that she sometimes thought she’d be a better “cool aunt” to her kids than an aggrieved parent who, yes, loves them with every fibre of her being but, in all honesty, just doesn’t enjoy the journey much. “It’s my fault, not theirs,” she said. “They’re just normal kids, but sometimes I dream about what life was like without them.
Even though there are more and more people grousing about parenting online—usually with a hefty side of expletives—a large part of what we still see on Facebook is a constant barrage of images and words that urge us to cherish every moment. “People definitely don’t talk about it enough,” says Franklin. “I mean, on Facebook, it’s all sweet, treasured moments and moms talking about crying because their kids are heading off to kindergarten.
In fact, part of what may be behind so much of the discontent we’re feeling, says Schafer, is “a symptom that stems from the state of modern parenting in the Western world, where, despite more women in the workforce than ever, time-use surveys show that the amount of time women spend onBut it’s more than just that—after all, women have always had to balance caring for small children with making a living.
a seminal 2015 look at parenting in the Western world. Unhappiness for parents tends to cluster around the early years, she notes, and then rises again in the fraught teen years. For Jessica Helter*, a Boston mother of a six-year-old daughter, the early parenting years left her feeling like she had lost her sense of self. “I lost my feeling that I could be productive,” she says.
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