'To truly heal, I have to dig further; in order to find my way of this depression, I have to first feel it, fully. I have to stand still.'
In this op-ed, Rachel Simon explains how dealing with depression recently helped her realize she's been through it before — and how naming her symptoms is empowering.isn’t a blur in my memory as much as a blank. I know the basics, of course — my 17-then-18-year-old self at a school five times the size of my hometown, spending days in lecture halls and nights in frat houses — but the details elude me. It’s because, in part, of too much drinking, but mostly, it’s because of the denial.
Depression does not work like that, of course. Moving to a new environment can certainly help, but helping is different than healing, and neither can happen if you’re not willing to acknowledge that you’re in need.
I have apathy towards the things I used to love, so I’m either throwing myself into hobbies to prove otherwise or staying in bed so long my legs start to feel sore. I doubt my value, so I’m applying to dozens of jobs I don’t even want just to get some validation. Like at Maryland, I’m rotating between eating either too much or not enough, yet working out with a vigor that’s leaving my jeans sinking below my hips.
So I will. Maybe not right away, but soon; I’ve learned that I can’t force recovery until I’m truly ready, or else I’ll find myself sweeping things under the rug and spending therapy sessions brushing off advice like it’s meant for someone else.
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