'Let me be clear when I say nothing — I mean nothing — went according to my plan of becoming a mother.'
May 9, 2023, 6:01 PM UTCPeople say that parenthood changes you, but no one ever told me that the journey to becoming a parent — of merely getting to that starting line — can be just as impactful.— went according to my plan of becoming a mother.naturally. I did all the things: peed on ovulation strips, had lots and lots of sex , and did handstands afterward because, who knows, maybe gravity would help. I gave up alcohol, then caffeine, then sugar and then went on an all-organic diet.
Our doctor’s professional opinion was that if we did another round of IVF, it would end similarly, so he strongly suggested we hire an egg donor. Here we were presented with another invitation to grieve, only this time it was because I was sitting with the reality that I wouldn’t get to participate as the biological mother.
By the eighth month, I finally let myself take a deep breath. I finally let myself be hopeful that this time, it might be different. I finally let myself revel in the fact that I would, in fact, be a mom. An emergency cesarean section later, I finally laid eyes on our screaming baby boy. My hopes of skin-to-skin contact were dashed when they whisked him away to address his belabored breathing. My husband and I bawled, terrified for our son’s health and safety.Above the commotion, as the NICU doctors and respiration specialist pricked and prodded our son on a tiny table 10 feet away from me, I could hear my husband shouting, “Hey buddy. I’m your dad. Your mom is right here, too.
The juxtaposition of coexisting emotions can feel like emotional whiplash and yet I have never felt so profoundly human as I ride the roller coaster of highs and lows. And if ever there were a righteous reason to be exhausted, the job of parenthood is it.
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