'This mountain is not insurmountable.'
some things discussed in this personal essay may be triggering to those with a history of disordered eating.began to change. I remember tucking my bagel into a napkin and telling my mom I would eat it on the way to school, then rolling down the window of my Acura RSX and tossing my breakfast out the window. I remember writing down how much I had to eat that day and setting a goal to slash the amount of calories I would consume the following day. And the day after that.
I remember the first day I broke. I can still feel the hot tears on my face as I pounded a carton of cookie dough ice cream, ashamed that I wasn't strong enough to continue depriving myself of food. And I poignantly remember when, at barely 18 years old, I grabbed a spoon and for the first time, decided to get rid of the calories I had just consumed.
I never had any reason to believe I'd lose control. In my mind, I had a firm grip on what I was doing and could stop at any time.I can't pinpoint what exactly gave birth to my tumultuous fight with food. Maybe it was insecurity, a yearn for control, or a disconnect from what I saw in the mirror, or perhaps it was all or none of the above. I just know that I was
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